You guys are great thanks for the feedback, emails and comments yesterday. I finally caught up reading all the emails and I will respond to each of you as you already know but I will give a generic response in this post based on the multiple emails that had the same "content and concerns". It's so funny what a lot of folks here locally don't know is I've been a blogger for many years. Especially since they just met me so I got a PM on facebook asking me why was I so honest am I worried about my business? LMAO. Honey child please you have NO IDEA huh. Yall better tell em. This is my personal blog, it's my outlet, I pay for it and I will do and say as I please. Unlike most of you I don't have a problem saying what I feel to your face, online, in writing and then repeating what I wrote to your face. You guys think me writing is brutal you just wait until I start back doing my VIDEOS again. Yeah that's a whole nother topic. This isn't something I got bored and decided to do it's what I was always doing but took a year off when I just stopped being creative. Instead I should have just kept on blogging and don't worry for those of you wondering about my book I am still writing it and telling my story oh trust and believe these secrets will NOT die with me.
Anyway back to blogging .. I guess I just don't really care who reads it and what they think because I know out of the 300+ hits a day at least 20% of those people UNDERSTAND and can RELATE. I call them my silent readers the ones that read and never comment but you know they are there. So let's go ahead and address a few questions that a few of my readers emailed me after my post yesterday about what motivates me and why I was so honest about the weight loss process. Several of the emails and don't worry I will not mention your names were asking me how can they do it with small children and a spouse that really does not support their efforts of trying to be better for themselves. I think what I am getting ready to tell you is about to be a RAW opinion of what I personally think. It's not to bash anybody's man or character of your husband personally because I don't know you or him. However, I do know men like that .. who really just have a one track and close-minded way of thinking. It's up to you to stand firm and put your foot down if you really want it and let him know LOOK this is what I WILL do for myself whether you like it or not. So here you go. I will post the concerns and then my response to that.
CONCERN: "I have smaller kids at home and my husband really doesn't understand that when he gets home from work after I've been with the kids all day that I just really need some time to myself and I would really love to be able to workout like you but I just can't."
MY BRUTALLY HONEST RESPONSE: *cracks knuckles* ... ladies you are like so many women I've known over the years in this situation. So again I remind you that I am giving you my opinion on what I think needs to be done and what I think the issue is. I don't think a lot of men realize that even though there are women that LOVE being SAHM's, love being there every time her man calls and she jumps up and does everything for him to make sure he is happy, married that small town girl that all she wanted to do was get married and have his babies and do nothing but that and take care of her home. I don't think men that are married to those amazing women realize that SHE NEEDS A BREAK TOO. I don't think they realize that at some point in her world or mind she breaks down just like everybody else and needs that social life. A social life away from KIDS and other women in her same position because its a terrible cycle that she puts herself in when all she feels she can relate to are other mom's with kids and she feel like no one will want her around because she has a kid with her all the time whether it's by choice or not. The fact that he throws in your face that "I am at work all day trying to make a living for my family so I don't have a social life either" umm is really not THAT accurate becuase he still has his co-workers, they are laughing, he still can stop and play games online, talks to different people all day everyday and socialize. Go to lunch with the co-workers have functions and he himself might even make sure he makes time to get HIS OWN workout in by the time he gets home yes sure he is exhausted but so are you. Yes he has a headache but SO DO YOU and instead of speaking up for yourself you start feeling guilty like you should not have a right to complain or ask for anything even time to yourself because he has reminded you so much that HE is the bread winner you start to lose yourself even more. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. YOU ARE THE REASON HE IS ABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON WORK. You are the backbone that holds that family together, you are the one that makes sure his clothes are washed, he has a hot meal on the table you are the one that makes sure his house is clean when he gets home and guess what even if your house looks like an episode of hoarders because god knows everybody is not perfect you are still doing things throughout the day that makes sure your house is a home no matter how bad it smells I guess. Either way my point is this. You have to stand up for what YOU PROVIDE for the family as well. It might not be financial stability but if mama is not strong then there is NO MENTAL STABILITY in your home. You have to remind him that unless he wants to come home and find his kids floating in the toilet or hanging upside from the roof in a sheet just chilling crying their heads off because mama snapped you need that GYM TIME or RUN, WALK or whatever. Even if you just load up the ipod or whatever with your favorite songs you have gotta make time for YOU even if the only thing you do is step outside barefoot in your back yard and shake your ass until your hearts content. OR you can always as soon as he hits that damn door say I love you baby, kids are upstairs playing and dinner is ready on the stove grab your keys and bounce for a few hours. If he calls you do not answer the phone why because he is a grown ass fucking man and he laid down with you and rocked your world and knocked you up .. then damn it he can raise his own dayum kids just the same. STOP ENABLING YOUR MEN. I will say though I have to admit I am really blessed because my man was never that way I knew that before we even had kids. He just has always been the one to cook, clean, take care of his children all the same if I say I am going some where they kick me out .. like I don't leave fast enough for them and he's been that way since his kids were 7lbs light. I just am really blessed. At the end of the day the one thing that's really not an opinion but sort of a fact is .. it all boils down to how some of these men were raised and what their mind set of what a wife/mother is suppose to be. I mean really.
NOW LET ME GET ONTO YOU! Learn to date yourself too, learn to just get in your car and go and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing because guess what nine times out of ten they are not worried about you at all. Stop using your kids as an excuse as to why you cannot work out. Find local workout clubs, join gym or class that allows you to incorporate your children if you are in that type of situation. Stop acting like there is no life outside of your brick house, apartment or where ever you live. There is always something to do. Ride bikes together, get a running stroller, use your baby/kids as weights. Sit down at the table after you read this blog post or later tonight and grab a sheet of paper and a pencil or pen fuck it use your blood either way just write down what you do everyday Monday - Friday. Just do it and don't lie to yourself don't leave nothing out. I want you to write down time tables 700-800/800-900/9-1000 and so on and so forth. Look at that list and really ask yourself are you really NOT ABLE to workout just because you have kids???? I mean think about it. Really that is NO EXCUSE AT ALL stop letting your kids run your life you are the adult you are the one that has to make those command decisions but if you really don't want it for YOURSELF then you won't be able to stand up to your husband and you won't be able to push your own self. Now after you look at your list and slap yourself in the face for lying to yourself saying you don't have time because you have kids now I want you to write down the same time schedule BUT MAKE A NEW ROUTINE for the NEW YOU. Really think about it .. what will work? Look at what time your husband wakes up every morning for work are your kids still asleep? Does your husband wake up at 600 every morning or 700? Are your kids still asleep? If so then wake up one whole hour before your husband and get in at least a 45 minute routine for yourself. IT CAN BE DONE you just have to want it. So anyway that's all I will say I can go on and on and on and on with this topic but I will just stop there. You have options sweetie. You just have to acknowledge them.
CONCERN: "I admire you for what you are doing but I guess I just don't care anymore how I look, I mean my man loves me just the way that I am so honey if he likes then I love it good for you for wanting to lose the weight but I love being plus size and so I guess when I am ready it will happy but as long as my man is happy then I am going to be happy so girl rock those rolls you acting like being overweight is such a problem but since I like you I will keep reading your blog it's inspiring"
MY BRUTALLY HONEST RESPONSE TO THIS: **cracks knuckles and ducks** first of all. I don't act like YOU being overweight is a problem this blog is about ME and that post was about ME not you, not your mama not your neighbor, not your overweight cat or whatever you want to think. So for starters when you are reading my blog keep your personal feelings and assumptions out of it because I am just speaking MY truth may not be your truth but it's MY truth and how I feel. SO I personally have a PERSONAL PROBLEM with ME, MYSELF and I being overweight. If you didn't understand that from yesterday's post then maybe you should re-read it but in a different browser so that it comes out more clear for you. Okay so that's first of all .. second of all yeah you are right your man loves every inch of your body as he should because you said it he is YOUR MAN but you see I know what MY MAN LOVES and LIKES but I also know what I LOVE and I LIKE and being overweight is not it. I am so happy that you are happy with where you are and I am so happy that you are very confident in how you look and I am so happy that you are able to flaunt it like nobody's business and be super confident in yourself that you love being overweight and in America's eyes unhealthy. There are some beautiful plus size women that I admire and love and I would never judge that
BUT BUT BUT .. remember there are men out there that do love women that are plus size and beautiful hell we are all beautiful and we all come in all sizes no matter what it does not or should not change the type of person we are and there for that love should not change .. but don't get it twisted just because there are some men that are telling their wives they LOVE the way they are no matter what don't change I guarantee you there are about half of them sleeping with someone on the side that's a size 6 or I bet if you lost about 30-40lbs you will see a sudden increase in your sex life and your man won't be able to keep his hands off of you. I mean let's keep it real. Again I said and I will repeat myself AGAIN there are some men that have no problems with it and LOVE IT .. but there are some like I just mentioned that will tell you one thing and then turn around and sleep with another. So don't get caught up in what your man thinks get caught up in WHAT YOU THINK and HOW YOU FEEL about yourself and honey if you are happy then shake that ass and show me what you working with.
CONCERN: "I am sick and tired of going to the gym and trying to workout and build muscle and people look at me like I am a bitch because they feel like I should not be there and I don't belong"
MY BRUTALLY HONEST ANSWER: GIRLS! Get your ass in that gym and tone your bodies up and forget the haters. Some folks are just so stupid when it comes to that and really close-minded at the fact that there are ladies that really really want that muscle tone or just to put on 20lbs and really feel like something. I know ladies that feel like if they were bald folks would think they were a man and they run from the gym because they don't look like everyone else or they think people are going to talk about them and that folks stare at them. I get so angry when or if I walk into the gym with one o my smaller size friends and by smaller I mean like size 0-1 and folks just stare at her .. and I just be like WTF are you looking at damn she wants to work out just like you do. You just have to remember that the perception or standards that people have in their own heads is just really fucked up. No matter what size a woman is she is beautiful. Everybody has a story, history, genetics and all that but people fail to realize that women/men that are small in size have image issues just like someone that can't fit a size 10 how do you know they don't wish they could too. You don't so stop fucking judging. .. again another topic I can go on and on and on with .. but I will stop right there.
Listen folks when I blog I blog for what I am feeling at the time, creative show cases and just to give other folks love and share what I would like during that time it's not to please you it's to get what I am feelign off my chest or share that creative moment I had at 2 in the morning. So maybe sometimes you guys should think about figuring out a way to get your thoughts down. Don't always feel like you have to do what the next person is doing but find your own way .. it's sad when people who you consider your friends judge you but strangers .. umm yeah I could care less. over 300 hits came to this blog yesterday from Facebook alone and the few of my friends which was a very SMALL handful acknowledged that they read the post. THANK YOU by the way for that but everyone else .. they just wanna read and keep it moving and judge in silence .. it's human nature. Some folks will only respond if they have something to say but if they can't relate to you they forget that they still have something they can say WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. So remember that when you start your blogging journey not everyone is going to really give a shit and those that do will let you know. xoxo