Soldier Girl's Thoughts

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Sweet Angel

I never knew what love was like until that moment

I never understood the magnitude of a want so deep it aches instead of joy

I never thought I would ever cry so much in one week than I have in a lifetime

I never thought I would just NEVER

I am now done writing my 18 page letter to you. Explaining my life these past years since I was 12. I left out a few pieces and notes but know well shit my words leave me once again. May you always rest in peace and know that no matter where you are right now you are thought of my angel.

I have so many woulda, shoulda, coulda's but damn I wish I NEVER KNEW.

My heart aches right now where is my husband when I need him most. Where can I find this smile. Driving up to the coast in Yarmouth to set sail my letter to you.

Posted at 09:40 | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)

iPhone App Love

Okay we all know there are enough apps out there to keep us busy for a lifetime. Like it's seriously no secret. So instead of listing pictures and all that crap and clogging up my feed. I thought I would just share a few of my FAVORITE apps. I did say a "few". LOL.

You ready?

Social Networking

FLIPBOARD: I can combine Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and more in this one app and just flip my way through the updates. You can even leave love, comment and start a new status. All up to you. Check this oneo out. It's one of my FAVORITES!

Pinterest: Umm I've been on pinterest since it first launched a few years ago. I think it's awesome how it's such a rave now but seriously there are other pin sites out there like foodgawker.com, craftgawker.com, weddinggawker.com but I do love my Pinterest.

Facebook: Or shall I say "dramabook". Love my daily dose of laughter. LOL.

Instagram: I am LATE in the game on this app because I am late in the game on getting an iPhone I was always a blackberry girl and the only reason I have a used 3G now is because someone was PCSing and sold it to us for like $100. So umm yeah. I actually love Instagram I use it solo or flip with my flipboard.

Tweegram: New fave. I can just type what I want to say and longer and post it right to instagram, facebook and a few other social spots.

More social apps I love

LOCATION APPS:

Prowl Owl: Sends push alerts when your FB friends are nearby.

Loopt: It's like FB where you can see what all your friends are doing but it tells you all the happening restuarants near you, what your friends favorites spots are and all that. Pretty interesting.

PHOTOGRAPHY APPS:

Instagram (again). See coments above. I am definitely an instagram stalker of others.

What's your username on Instagram I am: sashableu

VSCO CAM: OMGosh this has become my favorite app. It's like the actions/presets but on an iPhone. I love the way you can control the look of it and give it that film look. Realy good for those of you into Street Photography or Iphoneography.

Camera +: This is a really cool app that allows you to edit and adjust your photos as you would on a computer and add a few other cool features too.

Filter Mania: I love it you can really jaz up your photos with this app because it gives you different types of fun filters not necessarily too many textures but more of an enhancement type deal. Check it out.

Masking Tape: I mean really the name explains itself I love that you can right on them too. Or add it to your photo then save it and open it up in Phonto and then use a font and size from there. FUN FUN FUN

Hipstamatic: Seriously a really cool app. I love that you can download other frames, lenses and things to go with each other and mix and match them up for an even cooler look. Its seriously a pretty cool app.

Snapseed & Camera Awesome: Umm really just download these two and see for yourself

Phonto: I love love love this I can pick whatever font I want and write on my pictures different sizes and colors and its addictive once you get the hang of it.

Viddy: If you love silent film and video then OMGosh you will absolutely love this you can record a 30 second video of your kids playing in the covers and OMGosh it will slowly play it back and get this you can change the tone and color affect of your videos and save it on your viddy page or feed it to facebook for friends/family .. check it out.

More Photography apps I love:

Shopping Apps

Cooking Apps

Fitness Apps

Lose it: It's one of my all time favorite apps on the phone. I just put in what I ate that day and what excercise I did and it counts my calories for me and basically letting me know whether or not I am under or over my 1500 calories that I eat a day. Plus tell me how many calories I burned after choosing certain excercises and for how long due to the weight and measurements I gave initially when I signed up so I am getting accurate readings.

Couch to 5K: Umm really the app does help you get your lazy ass off the couch and get out there and run a 5K in realistic time. If you stay consistent and really put in the effort you would be amazed at how far you can go.

Sleep Cycle: Really did help me get on a good sleep schedule and monitored how I slept pretty awesome.

iLog 60: Doing Insanity I found an app that let me know what videos were next and I could log it off right on my phone after completing each day.

additional fitness apps I love:

RANDOM AWESOME Apps

PLUS TONS AND TONS MORE APPS OUT THERE

So what are some of your favorite iPhone apps?

Posted at 09:00 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

my BUSTED beaver

Umm yeah and we are not talking about pet's over here so if you are sensitive to me talking about my oochie coochie then this is not the blog for you. Seriously though I am really amped about zapping away at my belly meat and toning up my lovely thighs. With legs like these you really can't be walking around looking a hot mess in shorts/skirts.

Okay so yeah I woke up this morning at the lovely crack of dawn at 0415 got my face washed, teeth all brushed up and slapped some deoderant on the funk pits and was ready to rock. I walked in class all excited and my homie for life Angela C. was there too with her little perky grin on her face (mind you she has done this before and did try and brief me). So the instructor gave me a quick run down on the bike and on I climbed. Thinking that I was going to get some time to get adjusted. Umm hell naw...

We starting spinning and stretching at the same time then she was like now go to 2, then to 4 now up and down and up and down and the only thing I could think about was how the seat felt like it was sewing my little bitty booty cheeks together with a little bit of inner thigh rubbage. Mind you I am on my cycle so I am doubled up with a pad and all that so that's rubbing too and I am feeling like hell in my pants at this point and umm class has not even started. Oh and mind you all the while trying to find my breathing. Next thing you know I hear .. warm up over .. WHAT?!?!

So that's when I realized it was going to be MIND OVER COOCHIE. I was warned on facebook, instagram and by everyone to get some bike shorts and get my flat ass a bike cushion. Did I listen hell naw I procrastinated. Guess where I will be TODAY as soon as that damn BXtra opens and if they don't have one I will gladly drive to Cambridge to that fitness store and get one .. no shame in that game. Keeping it real though, once I got started and after about 10 minutes my metabolism had kicked in and I was ready to rock it out. However, the coochie horror was really killing my brain cells and train of thought because let's face it .. I was on FIRE. I could not get a good rhythem like I knew I could and pedal as hard as I wanted on the sprints because I had my legs cocked open like I was on my 8 year olds bike. Clearly these seats are made for toddlers. What grown ass woman do you know LOVES that seat???

ALL in all though that workout was really damn good. I was impressed and I didn't honestly know how I would feel walking away from it but on the drive home singing all loud in my car and trying to do the Wobble going 60 on these back UK roads I came to the conclusion that I have really really been missing out. I will lose this belly meat in NO time flat. Tonight I have total body conditioning class at 1700hrs and I am looking forward to it. I will be doing spin class 5 days a week M-F with my other programs. I will be 36 years old in exactly 60 days and I am really looking forward to feeling great about myself.

People are always asking .. "why are you working out so much?" .. I think sometimes people fail to realize that when they hear you make comments about your appearance and things they automatically just say "oh my gosh you look great already" never once do you hear a person say "how do you FEEL?" .. to me that's the problem with society these days they are so caught up on the OUTER and what they WANT to see that they fail to see what's really staring them in the face .. and when it comes to me people see me smiling all the time, laughing, talking, giving and just trying to be there for others they forget to stop and think damn .. "is she dying inside?" .. the answer is YES I have been for a long time now. I just have to be strong for my kids and they are more important and somewhere in between there I lost myself. I lost the old me but let's keep it real I don't let nothing keep me down long .. yes this has a lot to do with weight not just raw emotions on the day to do.

I am glad that I have ladies working out with me as well. I figured let me try this workout things again with my friends and it's working. My friends Maggie, Angela, Kaylai and Shayna always try and meet me up at the gym and workout at the same classes and when you get excited about seeing each other and pushing each other in class .. it really makes it worth it to go on top of the benefits. I still do a lot of things SOLO but having someone else to push you works wonders just the same.

So that ladies was my first day of spin class. Tomorrow should be better because all I could think about was "coochie is burning on this little ass seat, ouch push sasha just spin girl spin", "thighs are ripping". "OUCH OUCH OUCH". Not one time did I care about the pain of the thighs pushing through on level 10. So I really really did love it.

Posted at 06:26 | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Girls Day Out

On Monday afternoon I had some really bad news with a situation from my past that's part of what I've been dealing with for YEARS and it just really took a lot out of me, I needed a girls day to just laugh and be happy considering I really have been dealing with a lot on my own and not having my husband around really SUCKS for stuff like this, news like this and just needing that shoulder to depend on. Instead you find yourself dealing with petty bullshit that doesn't matter but I guess whatever to take your mind off of what's really going on in your life. PLUS I am leaving soon, I only really consider a hanful of people here my true friends and so my goal was to plan two musicals and maybe an event before I left and just have a blast being silly "girls" in London.

Yesterday was suppose to be the best day ever for me and a group of girls. So let's see I went to bed last night knowing that my girlfriend was coming because we all know when you have endometriosis you KNOW when your girlfriend is coming. I noticed Wednesday that I had some serious bloating and things so back to the day. I woke up in SERIOUS pain and to the point that we all know my Endometriosis is BAD like I've already had 4 procedures and they will NOT give me a hysterectomy they want to keep putting me on these different birth controls, Lupron and steroid shots and its like REALLY just fucking take the pain away for good. So anyway I woke up in labor pains on a scale of 4 out of 10. If you've been in labor you know 4 is like FUCK bitch why did'nt you just stay home. Well I guess I am just not built like that and I learn to just deal with it plus I had folks depending on me to be someplace at a certain time and on time. I am just really anal like that. Especially when you see how much energy went into planning something for MONTHS. You just can't help but not be rude. I guess that's just me though. So I get up pop my pain meds (packed a few in a baggie stuck them in my camera bag) and honey that barely took the edge off and wadded my way through the day.

Half of the group was on time and half of the group was late some knew way ahead of time that they were not going to walk around London with the girls but just come and enjoy the show. I guess if you've seen one part of London you've seen it all "shrugs". I was trying to build a certain type of atmosphere is all trying to build more last minute memories I guess but again, that just goes back into the type of person that I am always wanna make sure everybody is happy and having a good time LOL. Things can't always go as plan so what do you do .. you pick up and roll with it. Even if it does really hurt your feelings you just pick up and keep it moving and that's what I did .. ended up having a great day.

I got a few shots of my homies below salena, angela, kaylai, kari, shayna and kalyn LOL. Doing their run into catch the train to Hogwarts.

We trotted around Covent Garden. I got see a few hen parties going on, people dressed up in costumes, ladies that can KILL the fashion game in a GOOD way and just people watch like no end. WOW they have these amazing phone booths painted and pianos all over London. It's almost like all those easter eggs that were placed all over London and if you found them all you got something I think. We enjoyed a pit stop and lunch at Planet Hollywood where everyone really did enjoy that good ass spinach and artichoke dip MMM.

I swear peeps folks only know that one main building in Covent Garden but there really is so much more to it. You have to know the side streets to get to even more places and shops, stores. I go there often and plus Covent Garden is in a great walking distance from other main spots in London like Soho, The Eye, River Thames and things like that .. just gotta learn to get off the tube and WANDER. You'll be amazed at what you find .. and no matter how many times I go into London for random things .. I always get turned around when I come out of a tube and have to stand there and talk to myself for a minute LOL. Man it was fun.

We saw the musical We Will Rock You (because my dumb ass thought I purchased Rock of Ages tickets so I really appreciate everyone not kicking my ass) and so we sat through it. It was a musical based off of Queen and a few songs popped in there that I actually knew so it made it better LOL. Seriously though the costumes, singing and vibe was really phenomenal IMO. I was just so happy to be there and doing something different for a change that I enjoy everything I get involved in whether I am familiar with it or not. LOL.

At the end of the day I had a great time. I appreciated ladies dropping plans, leaving behind their kids, husbands and whatevers to come out and spend it with me. It does get lonely sometimes I can admit that with my hubby gone but I am so use to just getting up on my own and doing my own thing (granted I learn more and more and now folks can see WHY I do this) but it is nice to have a few good girl friends you would like to depend on for a smile every now and then that when they plan things you are not excluded. Sometimes it sucks when the ONLY invites you get from people are to parties where you have to BUY shit. I mean damn .. especially when you know my kids and your kids are the same ages, they know each other and you KNOW I am by myself. So for these ladies to come out and agree to the trip 3 months ago and represent .. I am very appreciative of that. Now let's hope my birthday weekend goes as planned cinsidering it is also sort of my going away as well since I am leaving so soon LMAO. I am leaving the UK with only a handful of friends .. the least I can do is have a blast with them before I bounce right?

I am ALL about a girls day and girl trips to other countries (when invited of course). I guess I might just have to plan my own let's see what country have I NOT seen hmmm. We shall see.

MUCH LOVE .. time to go and do what helps with this pain oddly enough running and moving. As much as I hate to do it .. can't be in bed all day.

Posted at 09:34 | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

Foodie Friday

I am asked often to share pictures of my food. Give recipe's and things like and shit I guess mofo's think I am some black Martha Stewart but if they knew me for real for real .. umm they would know that my husband is the one that throws down in the kitchen. Don't get it twisted though I can make a mean grilled cheese on the foreman and slap together a pb&j for you that will have you bent over for more. Anyway .. here is a sample of what I like to make for myself and my kids for lunch.

Another idea I found on pinterest for late night snacking strawberries dipped in plain greek yogurt and frozen. YUM. It's on my pinboard under Eat RIGHT fool

Anyway .. you notice I have pictured the strawberries in snack size baggies. This is something that is part of my routine once I leave the market, asda, sainsbury or commissary and I pre-wash, cut and bag most of my fruits and veggies. I do this so that I can just simply reach in the fridge and grab a snack size baggy and be on my way.

(click image to see bigger and read writing)

I also pre-wash, cook, grill and individually wrap my meats too depending on what I am having that week for myself. Sometimes the kids will also eat what I eat but if I am trying to eat 5-6 small meals a day then I have to have variety in my meals to include fruits. I think that's why I love ASDA so so much there fruit baggies are super cute, tiny and worth the 5 for £1.50 when I have to share with the boys. Yes I said share. These greedy ass boys are eating my ass out of a damn house and home but shit .. I can't let them starve right? All because my ass is trying to downsize this belly meat I have gained over the past 4 years. LOL.

We all actually had this for lunch the other day and it was so so good. Especially paired with those strawberries. Hell yeah. Now you will see in that little corner on the side I have some doritos yep sure do. They barely have room on the plate. However that was the only junk I ate that day and it was in moderation.

I know in order to lose my belly meat I need to cut it out all together and I am .. but at the same time let's keep shit really real. I am not going to be blogging food all the time that's going to be perfect. I am not perfect so I don't want you guys thinking that I am. So just being honest y'know?

Okay so what's on your to eat list this week for you whether it's healthy or not?

(forgive the mess. I am revamping my blog)

Posted at 10:00 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)